Trip to the East Coast - Day 1 (Travel)

Today started off like any other day I have to trek to the airport. I wake up at about 4:30 - in a panic because I see light coming through the window. Now I know I need to catch a very early Max train to get to the airport (read: still dark outside), so seeing light through the window means I have slept through the alarm and missed my plane. The inevitable adrenalin rush ensues and then I realize - it's headlights from a car that some dipshit is sitting in outside the window. Nice.

Instead of laying in gloom and doom (and completely unable to fall back to sleep), I managed to convince myself to get up and make an early start on things. With visions of pre-boarding browsing at Brookstone in my head, I headed for the shower, got ready, grabbed my bags and off to an early train I went. Smugly.

When I jumped on the first train that arrived (not the correct train, mind you, but the first train), I was shocked at how many people were on board. It wasn't even 7 a.m. yet and it was crammed packed. Realizing I boarded the wrong color train (needed rojo but was on azul), I hopped off when appropriate and waited for the right color train to show up - while standing in the rain - and hoping it was one of the new fancy trains and not an old crappy train with stairs I have to negotiate my always-heavy bags onto.  Instead, the middle of the road train showed up - not the new schwanky train and not the old crappy train with stairs, but the old, crappy non-step train. At that point, I'd take it.

It always amazes me how other people on the train with suitcases feel compelled to strike up a conversation with other passengers who also have suitcases. You know you're going to the same place (the airport) but everyone is always curious as to where you're off to once you arrive there. Me being one of those nosey people.

So onboard comes "Tex" -- a rather tall, striking man with a presence and his wife - with suitcases. They plop down in the row behind me. I'm not sure his name was Tex, but he looked like a Tex - wranger type jeans, cowboy hat, cowboy boots. He had an ever so slight southern drawl and looked like a less tan version of the Marlboro Man in happier days before he croaked from cancer. His booming voice was a bit unnecessary (and unwelcomed, mind you) at the wee hours of the morning.

He struck up a conversation - consisting of, "Where ya off to?" To which I replied, "Washington DC." Now really I am going to Maryland to visit family, although Maryland sounds so dull, while Washington DC sounds much more sophisticated. I quickly fessed up about Maryland and added it was for a family gathering, as if no one travels to Maryland or if they do, they need a valid excuse. He then went into a (loud) dissertation of how he wants to visit DC someday and see the National Monument, the museums on the mall, the White House and the Pentagon. Didn't have the heart to tell him the Pentagon isn't in DC.

Tex's wife who also had cowboy hat - but of the leopard persuasion and a strong Spanish accent, spoke up, interrupting Tex's dreams of dinner with the Obamas, to inform me they were going to Acapulco via cruise. It was just about that time that Tex's phone rang and I got to hear more than I ever wanted to know about the Tex's upcoming vacation.

In a most obnoxious booming voice Tex announces, "Yeah! Acapulco!" To the poor deaf person on the other end of the phone. Then a second of silence, followed by,
"I think we get back on the 30th, Phil!" The 30TH!!!! I'll call you when we land in Portland that day!! Did I tell you it takes two days by boat from San Diego to get there?!" Poor Phil. Another second of silence (he was probably trying to regain his hearing) and then, "Yep! I hope we don't have any delays in San Diego considering our boat leaves four hours after we touch ground!!" This was followed by boisterous laughter and then finally, "See you next week!!" and that was that. It was so loud I'm surprised the train didn't derail at some point during the conversation. That was when I decided....

... Hello iPod.

The rest of the ride was spent in blissful shuffle mode, where over the likes of Roxy Music I could hear Tex chatting up other unsuspecting luggage carriers who happened to board the train and sit close to the fellow airport goers. Only I could hear bits and pieces of the conversations, as much as I tried to tune it out. Mostly it was Tex's booming pipes that carried well beyond any note that Bryan Ferry could attempt to cover up. Mostly I heard words like "Acapulco!" and "Boat!" shouted twelve decibels louder than necessary.

As we approached the airport (I could see the tower and my escape rather clearly), I put away the iPod and prepared myself to get into pole position to zip out the door as soon as I was released. The last two minutes of the train ride were spent listening to Tex tell his story of how his boss rammed into him with a forklift and as a result, he'd been out of work for six months. "Got me good, he did!!!!!, " I heard him exclaim. I had to stop to wonder if the boss did it on purpose. About that time, the doors opened and I was freed from the auditory assault on my eardrums.

And the rest can continue tomorrow.........

Leftovers - and lots of 'em

So, Thanksgiving has come and gone with great success. How could it not? We have to embrace major holidays that not only endorse, but encourage, the consumption of massive quantities of food and drink.

And this year was no exception. I figured after my 19 pound turkey for three people (and one dog) kind of event, that I would, most definitely, have tons of turkey for leftovers -- and resolved myself to the fact that have to be healthy. But what to do? Kooper had his own ideas, but I opted for the following:

Post-turkey day of Turkey Hash for breakfast, swiped from Martha Stewart Thanksgiving radio show.  We all want to be a little more like Martha, minus the bad stock tips and jail time, of course.

Second, was a nice turkey breakfast burrito - the same ol' breakfast burrito with a healthy switch from turkey bacon to turkey breast.  Fill up a big whole wheat tortilla with turkey, egg, black beans, cilantro and salsa -- makes for a good morning.

Next was a turkey salad - easy enough. Just pile the lettuce, turkey, olives, carrots, cauliflower and celery on the plate - top it off with a bit of balsamic vinaigrette and a healthy dinner is served. No guilt what-so-ever.

Turkey sandwiches are also a staple of the post-Thanksgiving feast. Raise your hand if you're getting sick of turkey. Both of mine are up (not sure how I'm even typing at this point).

Last but not least - and my favorite leftover recipe so far - is a twist to a chicken dumpling recipe - by simply switching the "chicken" to "turkey" and using whole wheat flour instead of white flour for the dumplings. Doesn't get too much healthier than that.

Kooper has also been benefiting from the stockpile of turkey reserves and has had a bit of the turkey mixed in with his kibble at every meal. Tryptophan is starting to kick in on the poor little guy. I should share with him more often to ensure some peace and quiet.

One the carcass is gone - which will hopefully be sooner rather than later, I'm pretty sure I won't be looking at another turkey for a long, long time. Not only because I have turkey over-load at this point, but also because you are what you eat. Gobble Gobble.

In Search of Dog Friendly Wineries - the Columbia Gorge version

Ah, the day after Thanksgiving - otherwise known as Black Friday. Shopping mecca. Betty and I have been passing notes about sales for the past week, with glee. From Costco to Best Buy to Toys R'Us (which, let me make it clear - I would rather fall into a giant vat of toxic waste than to hit any of those stores -- especially the later). I've also been passing the notes to her knowing that, full well, I am not going to partake in anything shopping related. Turkey coma + black shopping Friday = bad news for fellow shoppers. Having said that....

Okay, so I did.

I went to Costco. Broke down. It was open early although they lied on their automated system. I showed up, the doors were open, slack-jawed people pushing carts everywhere, mental breakdown imminent .... it was looking a bit bleak.  Then I stumbled upon the reason why destiny had pulled me into that giant vortex of Black Friday doom --- I found the newest of the gadgets... the Flip video.. It's pinkish purple - it has 2 hours of build in video - it went into the cart with a few more unnecessary items. Hello lover. Was with a flip and bought a flip - it was meant to be.

Off to the Columbia Gorge wineries for a little R&D, with new flip in pocket, we went. Our quest, to find something other than Oregon Pinot and find dog friendly wineries that the pooch can enjoy as well.  It was a tough start for the poor little guy. He spent the first two wineries in the back of the car.....No love. And keep in mind, I had no idea my pants were not 'don't wear with boots' kind of pants. These are the things you have to consider when tagging a video camera along.

We then were fortunate enough to stumble upon winery #3 - who embraced the brown furry one - they had dogs of their own so it wasn't a stretch for them to let him in to take in the sights and smells. He did very well - all thing considered. Only minimal whining. Then we took to the outside where the wine was (slowly) starting to kick in a little bit and riding tractors sounded like a fabulous idea to both me and Koop. At the end of the day, unless it's a backhoe, it's not a good idea.



Onward and upward, as I always say. Well, I don't always say that - but it sounds good - no? We did do a bit of wine tasting R&D and stumbled upon (last but not least) one of the better red producing wineries called Viento.  They had a rather scrumptious Barbera and their Super Tuscan was the bomb. Koop was more than welcome there as well....



This was our last stop in the winery tour of the day. Koop did fabulous - layed down when instructed, ate salami off of the floor (workers thanked me for bringing the clean up crew), smooched a group of wine tasting ladies, and crotch sniffed anyone within Labrador nose distance (to mostly their surprise, mind you). Yes, he was well received.

Success. And a new gadget - boy, this could spell trouble.

In Search Of...... A Healthy Thanksgiving Menu

Growing up in a large family, Thanksgiving was a big holiday. It was one of the times that everyone would converge in someone's home and gorge themselves into turkey oblivion in the name of family togetherness. We would normally just head to my sister's for a day of over-eating, football and napping. And what a spread it was -- I can remember eating as many stuffed celery pieces as I could handle, and there would be leftovers for days on end.

This year, with things being a little wacky, we are doing an "orphan Thanksgiving" which basically just means that those of us who can't find their way to their families mega feasts and family drama (normally due to fur-kid or work obligations, or in my case - both) will get together and make a meal for ourselves.  Maybe misfit Thanksgiving would be a better description. Less people/ more leftovers.

In any event, since I have pretty much commandeered our corporate townhouse and filled it with things like big screen t.v's and a Wii, I figured this year I would take a stab at making dinner as well. This means I can also enjoy the tv, football and Wii. I mean, come on, how hard can it be? A little turkey in the oven, a few appetizers, lots of alcohol so no one notices if it doesn't come out quite the way I planned - win-win-win. Tryptofan is bound to kick in after a while anyway.

So now I have to figure out some sort of healthy menu. Turkey - check - that's a no brainer for healthy as long as you stick to the white breast meat and not eat the entire breast. Or try to deep fry it - which I am not about to do -- the Beaverton fire department will thank me later. The next healthy thing on my list will be the sweet potato - they're like the anti-potato and filled with all sorts of good for you nutrients. Who needs candy with the sweet potato lingers around? I'm thinking a sweet potato/ apple casserole type of dish. Looks rather yummy, doesn't it? Let's home mine turns out as well.

Then there's the stuffing. When I think of stuffing I immediately have flashbacks of last year, when my soon-to-be ex insisted that I help with the stuffing (an old family recipe handed down from generation to generation -- all two of them). Then as I was attempting to keep grandma's stuffing on par, the soon to be ex (we'll just refer to him as the 'idiot' if mentioned again) kept reprimanding me for doing it wrong, but would not offer any help in the "right way" to do it, nor did he want to do it himself. My hackles are raised just thinking about it. So, in light of the not-so-fond memory, I need to give stuffing a better name and am thinking of an mushroom herb stuffing that hopefully no one grandma's has tried to perfect just yet.

And who can neglect the cranberry? Dubbed a 'superfood' this is going to take a spot on the table as well. And not the canned kind that keep the shape of the can when you slide the cranberry tube out of it's metal container. No way. We're talking real cranberry sauce, ala Martha. Martha's cranberry recipe and super antioxidant - a triumphant combination for sure.

And of course, there will be stuffed celery. Lots of it.


But the one thing I can't figure out how to make healthy, no matter how hard I try. That thing is called dessert. I am not a fan of the traditional pumpkin pie - but that doesn't mean I should deny the orphans (or misfits, whatever you want to call them) the pleasure of having a nice slice with loads of whipped cream. The jury is still out on the rest of it. By the time dessert rolls around (giving the amounts of wine that are sure to be consumed) perhaps no one will care about the nutritional benefits of what's being plopped in front of them in the name of dessert.

Which brings me to last, but not least -- the bevvies. I'm thinking we start off the day with the perfect bloody mary and then work our way into wine - and lots of it. This, plus football, plus food coma will make for a very nice Thanksgiving -- well, in my book anyway. And if it all doesn't come out right, I am not below crashing someone else's feast. So beware.

Detox - Uber Fail

So... the detox was rolling merrily along. I was having headaches that were most certainly from the lack of caffeine in my system. Seriously, I don't think I've been that caffeine-less in about 15 years and my brain was doing everything it could by reminding me of this, not to mention protesting. By day three I had given up green tea (which wasn't cutting it) and worked my way up to Yerba Mate tea instead. It helped but wasn't the same a nice cup of strong coffee (filled with cream - another no no, and splenda - the big no no). Nothing artificial is supposed to touch these lips (insert whatever joke you want here).

Thursday evening I had a party to attend at a friend's house. She had a bottle of Alexander Valley Vineyards Sangiovese on the counter, begging to be opened.  I'm being tested in situations like this and not unlike all tests that involve me and wine from the homeland, I am sure to fail miserably.  To my credit, wine does not contain anything artificial. I should get some sort of point for keeping it real. I did manage to make it out of the party prior to the heavy drinking - which I heard lasted until 3 a.m. Yikes. And on a school night too.

As the weekend rapidly approached, my relationship with the detox just went further downhill, starting with brunch at the Urban Farmer on Saturday morning. Bloody marys were on the menu (again - nothing artificial there) along with real food. Yes, the real stuff - ham and eggs Benedict on a nice sourdough english muffin with a garlic infused vodka bloody mary to wash it down with -- who can blame me for falling off the detox wagon? Lead me not into temptation, I can find it myself at the bloody mary bar at the Urban Farmer, apparently. And the homemade pickled vegetable smorgasbord that accompanies the bloody marys is enough to justify the slip up - we're talking pickled carrots, asparagus, some broccoli/cauliflower hybrid veggie, string beans and corn on the cob - yes, actual corn on the cob, pickled and ready to pretty up a drink. It's like a salad in a glass - that has to be on the detox menu. They didn't really specify how to intake the veggies.

Realizing my limitations, I've made a sort of pact with myself from here on out. Detoxing will be my theme of choice for weekdays - Monday - Thursday, and retoxing will be reserved for weekends - Friday through Sunday, hence my wine-free bout tonight with Monday Night football. Weird. And when football season is over (I shudder to think about that) then Sunday will move into the "detox" days as well. I have a Santa suit to fit into sooner rather than later.

The thing about depriving yourself of the things you enjoy is this: it just pisses you off after a while and makes you crave them even more. Like coffee. When I thought I couldn't have coffee, it's all I wanted. When I put finally had a cup in front of me - good old Stumptown coffee - I only drank half a cup of it. It's all a mental thing and right now - I am in no condition to have a battle of wits with myself.

We'll chalk this up to another one of those "it sounded like a good idea at the time" ideas.

Day 1 & 2 - The Detox

Day 1 -

Not sure if this is a detox or a diet.  I don't like the sound of either of those but since the first three letters of diet spell 'die' - I'm going with detox. Mentally prepared and well stocked for this - not to mention happy that this detox consists of actual food and not just lemon and syrup water, I get up and enthusiastically prepare my first breakfast shake.

I put the non-dairy 'milk,' soy protein, flax seed oil, ice and frozen berries into the blender in a hurry.  Hit the on switch and the machine made that high pitch sound of the blades spinning, but nothing is being mixed up. What the hell? Apparently the blender didn't quite like the frozen concoction and it took it a while to churn it into a drinkable mixture. After arguing with it, the final result was a bright purple color -- a color you would only find in the 64 crayola box with some strange name like grape vomit. It didn't taste half bad, however. Hello breakfast.

With a slight headache - probably due to the lack of caffeine and my body's shock, I spent most of the day obsessing about food. This is what you do when you can't have something. Of course, obsessing about food makes you hungry. I avoided anything that popped up on my computer screen that had to do with Epicurious or Williams Sonoma or even Martha Stewart for fear of spotting her making some perfect apple pie. I'd hate to send her non-deserving hate mail.

Lunch rolled around and it was brown rice and steamed vegetables. Very unexciting. Surprisingly enough - it filled me up. For a snack I ate an apple and by the time I got back to the townhouse - no hunger pangs and the food obsession subsided. Off to the gym I went. Worked out and came back to make fish, more rice and more veggies. So far/ so good. The thought of dinner without wine is something that never dawned on me could actually happen. I, shockingly, survived the absence of the nectar of the Gods.... Hopefully I have not angered Bacchus, as I really am looking forward to falling back into his good graces again very soon.

After Day 1 there has been nothing shocking to report. My skin hasn't miraculously become porcelain like and my hair hasn't become perfectly straight, shiny and/or the envy of every woman in Portland. No job offers for the ex in Siberia either. Nope - nothing really noticeable to report. Except the slight headache.

Day 2 -

Started out equally as uneventful as Day 1 - except for this morning breakfast shake, I used half a banana instead of the frozen berries. Much better. Not really missing coffee all that much, although at this point I haven't been around it. If I smell it I'm sure I will start foaming at the mouth. It's been replaced with Yerba Mate tea for the time being - which has a little of the caffeine in it but not nearly as much. I'm supposed to be drinking green tea but I figure tea is tea is tea - right?

Snack consisted of nuts -- you are what you eat -- and lunch was more brown rice and veggies. Today was a little different. When I got back to the townhouse later that afternoon, I could feel little pangs of hunger. Like my body is wondering where the good stuff has gone. I keep reminding my tummy that this is temporary. Patience, grasshopper.

Always looking to be well informed - and resisting the urge to download books into my Kindle, I moseyed my way to the library and picked up the books that inspired this newest detox called the Ultrasimple Diet and it's sidekick: Ultrametabolism. Put them squarely on the counter to be read at a later date (read: probably never).

Fighting off the hunger pangs and those little voices that try to talk me out of going back outside, I made it to the gym, followed by more fish and rice for dinner. Made a salad in lieu of the steamed veggies and had my first faux-paux in the form of balsamic vinegar. Didn't realize I wasn't supposed to have that since it is 'yeast producing.' Kicking myself that if I was going to screw up - why couldn't it be with a nice glass of Cabernet? Wasted mistake. I didn't get very far into the salad before I read that, luckily.

Still, I don't feel that different. My head still has a dull pain that I'm starting to think has always been there, but without the wine I'm just starting to notice. I'm not in a foul mood nor do I want to kick anyone's teeth in. I'm looking at this as a positive step in the right direction.

Tomorrow is a new day.

Detox Pretox

Today I am starting another detox in an attempt to clean out the wine induced layers of soot that must be clogging my arteries at this point to get them, and the rest of my internal organs, back to a clean, healthy state, and then attempt not to do it all over again. Having said that: You have to detox in order to retox.

This regimen isn't quite a rigid as the Lemon Juice/maple syrup detox that Rachel and I tried earlier in the year (everything I do seems like a good idea at the time).  I still can't use cayenne pepper in any foods and forget about maple syrup. Scarred.

Having done a detox before only to gain back the weight, and rather quickly I might add, I am hoping this one has positive, long lasting, even permanent effects - like shiny hair, a clear complexion, decreased ass size (by at least half), wine-gut be gone, and added perks such as my soon to be ex husband gets a job offer he can't refuse in Siberia, and has to leave the country immediately. These things can happen. I am hopeful.

This new one is called the "Ultra Simple Diet" and it sounds, well, ultra simple. The gist of the detox is the following for a week:

• No Sugar
• No Caffeine
• No Alcohol
• No Processed Foods
• No Grains
• No Men
  

Pretty much it's only lean meats or fish, veggies, brown rice and you make protein shakes for breakfast and snacks. Nuts can be on the menu, but no Double Doubles Animal Style. Thank goodness I got my fix of In & Out Burger out of the way when I was in California recently.

Preparation is key to a successful detox, so last night I raced to Trader Joe's to stock up on all the necessary items that I needed to get me going, including the things I cannot pronounce - like Borage oil. What the hell is that?  I could not find rice protein, so I substituted soy protein instead, and stocked up on flax seed oil, skipping the borage oil that obviously only exists in the rarest of health food stores or in a far off land. By the end of the shopping adventure, my cart was filled to the brim with veggies - ranging from bok-choy to carrots, celery to cauliflower - I was completely set. Look how healthy my cart was.

Back at my temporary ranch, I immediately got busy making a pot of brown rice and steaming a bunch of vegetables to pack for lunch. This seems like it is going to be healthy and I was wondering why I hadn't thought of this before. I have always been a good eater, it's normally the gallon of wine I insist on washing everything down with that seems to be my downfall. Note to self.

Reading labels is going to be the toughest part. Not because I can't read, mind you, but because I seriously just can't be bothered spending the time scouring the back of a carton for a hint trace of sugar or one of the fifty other names it can be disguised as. Multi-dextrose, high fructose, xyz chromosome - who knows.  I do have a work-around as I am avoiding most of everything that has something on the food label that 1/ I cannot pronounce or 2/ I don't know what it is - which usually goes hand in hand with the things I can't pronounce, although I could pronounce 'borage.' Things that are natural should be simple to comprehend.  Like the rice I purchased. On the back it simply reads: Ingredients - Brown Rice. The end. No guesswork.

We’ll see how it goes.